Thursday, 1 January 2004
I hate beginnings. This is why I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. Let’s face it; there are no beginnings without endings and I loath endings even more.
This year, I’m starting the New Year in the middle.
If I start my life from the middle I won’t have time to get freaked out with the details of the future: the details are already started.
Pretend I announced, “On January 1st, I will begin a regime of five yoga classes and four wheat grass juices every week,” well how boring is that? And what if one week in March I don’t feel like it? I’d be disappointed. I’d have to punish myself.
It’s so much more fun to either do it or not depending on the weather.
What I mean is this.
I’ve just moved into a new apartment in a different coastal town. I’m also driving a new car and have a new client I’m writing for. Technically speaking I could say that I have this whole new-inspired life. But if I really think about it, I started sorting out my stuff last summer. And I stopped taking the Nissan out for road trips about the same time too. I’ve been writing for my client in a different capacity since last spring.
So, even though I had no plans to move, buy a new car, or write for this person, something deeper than my conscious awareness set my wheels in motion. By the time I ended up hauling my freshly sorted boxes in my new station wagon, it was just a continuation of a process. Basically, I was on cruise control; all I had to do was keep my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road.
The point is that if I knew in August that by the end of the year I’d be leaving Morro Bay for Cayucos in a car named Anabelle Angel: The White Goddess, then I’d have spent an amazing amount of my daily gasoline worrying.
My morning prayers would have been something like this:
“Oh my God, I don’t want to leave Morro Bay. I can’t afford a new car. How am I going to write for her, she doesn’t need me. ”
The middle blessing is that everyday; I just keep waking up in my life. And that’s it. I follow the road, brake for rough weather, steer around obstacles and I never forget to flirt with the cute guy in the Hummer at the next stoplight. Yes, I take a map, but I don’t spend a lot of time planning the itinerary. Somewhere in my heart, it’s already planned. All I have to do is enjoy the ride.
May you and yours always be juicy.